It Breaks My Heart

I’m on the brink of tears this morning. Which on one hand is not that surprising. But it is only 7:30 AM.

I just got off the Compassion Tea prayer call and as always it was powerful. When God shows up and listens in on our petitions, the silent partner on the call, His presence speaks loud. And this morning as we lifted up our Compassion Tea members and the people serving in Africa and the dark places of the world and the lost and the fallen and the scared and the hurting, He seemed to say in the silence, “I know. Just watch and see.”

We also lifted up the children of the world. Like my Ugandan daughter, who has gone home to her village for the winter holiday. She is on winter holiday and we’re wrapping up summer holiday! But going on holiday for the children from Village of Hope is very different from going on holiday for my kiddos. Going on holiday for Prosy means leaving the stability of Village of Hope and returning to a place of instability. There may or may not be food. There may or may not be shelter. There may or may not be safety and love. At Village of Hope, there is all of this. In the home village, among family and friends, there may not.

It breaks my heart.

And it breaks my heart that summer is coming to a close for us, too. Despite the continual nagging and bickering (yes, I now lovingly refer to my kids as The Bickeringtons), we’ve had a good time together. It has been peaceful and rejuvenating for me at least to step off the hamster wheel and to stop going 75 miles per hour. To just hang out with the kids, to watch them play or to join them, to take time to introduce them to something or teach them something, to mother them and not to turn it over to the world to do… that has been special. Vacationing together hasn’t been that rough to take either!IMG_6656 IMG_5931

IMG_6115 IMG_6120I don’t want school to start. I may be the only mom in the tri-valley area to say that, but I actually doubt it. So, I’ll say it again. I don’t want school to start.

I don’t want to ship my kids off to the world for the world to raise. And I really don’t want to jump back on the hamster wheel of soccer practices and early mornings and lots of homework and balancing work and rest and play and schedules. The schedules. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

But more than that, I feel an impending robbery. The schedules, the hamster wheel, the longer hours in school for each of my kids this year… it is all a robbery of my time with my kids, of my time to mother. I’ll try not to be bitter and I’ll try to make the most of my time and I’ll pray that God strengthen us in our limited time and that He’ll put in their paths people who will help shape them into pots pleasing to God.546943_10151851929456697_287942213_n

Yes, I will have more time to “think my own thoughts,” to actually “hear my thoughts again” as Jen Hatmaker writes. That will be delightful. But it may also be deafening in the silence.
And while I’m crying for the end of summer, I know there are children right here in our backyard who, like Prosy in Uganda, see going back to school as a blessing, as a time of stability and structure and safety. Going back to school will mean a break from the dysfunction, safety and sustenance where there hasn’t been much, and respite from home life.

It breaks my heart.

And it also makes me yearn even more for my children, for the blessings they are. Because not all children are viewed as blessings.

Will you join with me today and pray for the children? For the innocent in war, in disease, in the race for life, in the dark pits the world creates to hide its shame, for the exploited and the little ones shouldering burdens much too big for their shoulders… for their safety and for their shelter and for their relief and for their renewal.

It’s time to dry the tears and turn the eyes to watching God work. May you see Him working today in your life.

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Look Up

There are plenty of reasons to look down. It’s treacherous where you put your feet, how you can lose your footing.unnamed-20unnamed-14

 

There are rewards for looking down. There is beauty in the patterns, in the dirt, in the dry cracking, hard pounded, rock solid or gravely looseness of where we put our feet. There are treasures waiting for the eyes cast down.

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We have glory glimpses even when our eyes are focused, intense, calculating the paths.

And the paths! They are winding and each twist brings a new challenge. But the path is your path and staying on it is advisable.

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Stay on the path, brother and sister.

 

But lift your eyes! Because there is so much more to see!

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Look up!

 

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There’s so much more to see!

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Expansive treasures. Sights that elevate.

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Psalm 121

I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber….

The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

 

So look up! And partake! unnamed-13